Tired of living and scared of dying.

So over my thoughts and feelings today.
It felt like I was gonna die from nausua.
It felt like my head was gonna explode from my headache.
I keep thinking negativly and the eating disorder part of me is reminding me of how fat I am and how unnattractive I am.
I’m so anxious, nervous, and shakey.
It’s like my brain doesn’t want me to feel confident in anyway.
I’m not fat, I have fat.
Although today I did talk to a dear friend and had dnms all day which was good.
I felt a positive release from opening up.
Oh and when I opened up and said I’d craved cutting the other night to my mother she said “if you do it again you’d be alone”… ALONE.
Loneliness is my ultimate weakness and vulnerabilty and there she is saying that stuff.
I don’t deal well with such advice.
I am so stressed and depressed most of the time.
NO time for me to relax within myself. I have so much to learn.
All I want to do is cut cut motherfucking cut.
So frustrated.
This is just two days worth of thoughts… probably not even, cause there’s the stuff with the demon.
The Angel and The Devil on my shoulders are constantly screaming.
I’m SCREAMING.
I need help, I’m getting it, why am I not feeling better?
I KNOW it will take time. I just want to be sane. Not normal because normal doesn’t exsist. I do want to be something, I want to be myself, I am JUST finding out who I am.
Self discovery is difficult, but worthwhile…

Thinking you’re being followed by a man with a pitchfork when actually it’s only an Asian man with a plastic bag… Awkward paranoia moments 12#